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What is the question that will change your day?

uberlumen — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 19:14:33 +0000

The other night working in the Emergency Department I was dog tired as I picked up a chart of a patient to see. After I obtained the pertinent medical information from this patient, I then asked my 94 year old patient, “Where were you during world war 2?”

He proceeded to share a little known story about his time working with General Patton. The patient told me that even his own grandkids don’t ask nor seem interested in his life experiences. It was an interesting and amazing patient interaction. I left that conversation so energized that the last 2 hours of my shift flew by.

Reflecting on this event, reminds me of the power of our ability to choose what perspective we will be in and what powerful question we can ask of ourselves and others. Perspective: It is amazing to me how quickly I can shift from ‘dog tired’ perspective to ‘wow what an incredible patient and story’ perspective–shifting from falling asleep to being fully awake–better than any cup of caffeine! Question: It is fun and shocking the power of a question to shift our thoughts and energy levels. I recently asked at a dinner party: What do you crave? This one question made for a deep and meaningful and laughter filled discussion.

What is the question that you could ask at work and at home that would energize or change your day for the better?

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The Sage & The Saboteur: How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

uberlumen — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 19:03:41 +0000

Do you remember the old cartoons that depicted an angel and a devil on each of your shoulders? Well it turns out that we have a Sage and the Saboteur in our brains. The Saboteur is a ‘voice’ or thoughts and feelings that was adaptive in our early development and when we were being chased by Saber Tooth Tigers. It is an early warning ‘voice’ that may say early on in our lives, “Don’t even try to jump that fence because if you do, you will break your leg.” However, this ‘voice’ grows up with us and becomes our limiting beliefs voice. It begins to tell us, “You are not enough.” and “You are a failure.” and “You will never amount to anything.” Ever heard that voice? I certainly have, and I continue to hear it AND listen to it.

The other ‘voice’ is that of the Sage. It tells us things like, “You are enough.” and “It is possible.” and “You can do it.” It turns out that if we train ourselves to listen to this ‘voice’, our brain runs/functions much better in fact studies have shown over 30-40% better! When we listen to this positive Sage ‘voice’, our brains are flooded with dopamine and serotonin–chemicals that immediately enhance our brains learning centers allowing us to think more quickly and creatively, solve problems better and see and create new ways of doing things.

If you are like me, you hear the ‘voice’ of the saboteur more than the Sage. And if you are not hearing the saboteur, it means that you have not become aware of it or it is doing a great job of tricking you into believing that it is speaking the truth
or at least speaking things that are helping you. The saboteur may have convinced you that without it’s advice you would make stupid choices or become lazy, but nothing is further from the truth. The saboteur ‘voice’ that says, “Now, that was a stupid thing to do.” often will continue that mantra over and over again creating more sleeplessness and more anxiety whereas the Sage’s approach might be to say, “So you made a mistake, to err is human, and this mistake could be made into an opportunity depending on how you react to it.”

Ok. Interesting. Now what. The key to weakening The saboteur ‘voice’ (note: most of us have multiple Saboteur ‘voices’ such as a judger and a pleaser and a controller etc.) is:
1. Don’t fight them/it
2. Simply observe and notice the saboteur thoughts and feelings when they arise
3. Tag or label these thoughts or feelings every time you notice them (some who are in training against the saboteur will keep a journal or jot down a quick note when they notice the saboteur thoughts and feelings aka ‘voice’)

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50 No’s & 5 Yes’s: How to Treat Overwhelm?

uberlumen — Sat, 30 Jun 2012 23:00:14 +0000

Overwhelm is a HOT topic. We all feel overwhelmed at some time in our lives. Our To-Do lists are stuffed to the gills, and we walk around in a To-Do list haze so overwhelmed that we are so busy listening to the tape playing in our heads of what we need To-Do instead of capturing all the amazing things happening all around us.

Solutions? Burn the To-Do list? Maybe.

1. Practice Present Perfect: Our brains are designed to be in the present moment, but our To-Do lists and overwhelm feelings and thoughts are predominantly in the future. The studies show that by not being focused in the present our brainsare much less efficient so the overwhelm and To-Do lists are actually making us less productive. How do we practice being more present? Keep a 3×5 card in your pocket or jot down notes in your smartphone when you are in a moment that you have lost track of time in. These moments of flow are the present moments that bathe our brain in the chemicals that make us more efficient, more productive, and are the antidote for overwhelm.

2. Purpose: It is easy to live in the land of overwhelm when we lose site of our purpose. When was the last time you were truly thrilled? What was your most recent peak experience? Tapping into these moments will help you focus on doing the things that you were made to do. The things that you were made to do are those things that thrill you. Get in touch with your thrilling moments and you will begin to get in touch with your Yes’s. Now list the 1-5 things that you most love to do at work, at home, etc. This is your YES list. These are the To-Do items that you were designed to Do and Be with.

3. Prioritize: Starting with No’s leads to less overwhelm and more YES. I recently challenged one of my clients to put together a list of 50 No’s. 50 items that he is going to say no to. What is on our list of No’s? Which of these No’s are you going to commit to? I would love to say No to checking my email on my smartphone when out to dinner…..The NO list is the list that frees us up to say YES.

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Is Life and The People In It Passing You By?

uberlumen — Thu, 31 May 2012 17:51:55 +0000

So often I live my life like the guy in this video. Rushing around to get done all my to do’s while

not taking notice of those around me, not connecting, and not taking in all that is available in the moments.

This video reminds me to slow down and be mindful of those around me and to stop and take in each and every moment as if it were our last.

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The Gecko & The Geek

uberlumen — Thu, 31 May 2012 17:34:48 +0000

Our brain is often at war with itself. The primitive emotional centers (The Gecko) vs. the advanced intellectual centers (The Geek). The Gecko gets us in trouble because it’s only capacity is to react whereas the Geek thinks, then reacts.

The Geko takes over when we are feeling stressed or out of control, and it reacts with fight or flight. Unfortunately, This does not happen consciously, and The Gecko causes us not to think straight, react instead of act, fight first ask questions later, and put our foot in our mouth. When stresses pile up and we feel out of control, the Gecko shows up, and we become less productive, effective, and lose our decision-making abilities. In fact, scientific studies have shown that when we experience too much stress and overwhelm, our performance tanks. Stressful things like financial loss are actually processed in the same area of the brain that responds to mortal danger aka The Gecko area. We have all learned often the hard way that we make horrible decisions when we are under financial stress or any type of stress.

How can we be more Geek and less Gecko?

Self-awareness. Studies show that when you put people under high levels of stress, those who are quickest to recover are those who can identify how they are feeling and express their feelings into words. Scientists, using brain scans, confirm that people who talk about and/or write about their feelings at the time they are experiencing negative emotions immediately over come these negative thoughts and feelings which improves their well-being and enhances their decision making skills.
Make 2 lists: things you have control over and things that you don’t. Burn the list that you have no control over–they are out of your control! And focus on the areas that you have control over. So no news is good news after all. I have made it a habit of not reading the newspaper and watching the news on TV because it only stresses me out. Now I know why it stresses me out, and why it has been scientifically shown to be counterproductive. It fills my brain with things that I have no control over allowing my Gecko to run wild. So maybe we should change the phrase “G.I.G.O” from Garbage In Garbage Out to Garbage In Gecko Out.

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Being Realistic is Over-rated

uberlumen — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:10:01 +0000

“Being realistic is the most common path to mediocrity…The moment you decide to be realistic you can pretty much guarantee that is what will happen…”-Will Smith

Is anyone else tired of being realistic? A saboteur (or gremlin) is a self limiting voice that whispers into our mind. The saboteur is the voice that “shoulds” on us. It tells us what we should do not what we can be.

Realistic is the penultimate saboteur. I can hear the voice: “You will never be able to do that, be realistic.”

Let us today press pause on that voice, and listen to the other voice-the voice that speaks to our heart and soul. The voice that says, “You can do it!”

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What Do You Want Your Button to Say?

uberlumen — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 05:02:38 +0000

One of my friends and partners took apart his Staples “That was Easy” button and rewired it to say a special statement to one of his sons. I LOVE his creativity, but unfortunately it sounded like a lot of work.

It made me think of what I would have the button say to me if I could rewire it. Answer: The minions laughter from Despicable Me movie. Why you ask? Because I specialize in Reserved calm, leading from my mind rather than from my heart… The laughter button would remind me to laugh more. BTW-I downloaded the minions laughter ring tone and whenever my kids call from home, my cell phone plays the laughter and makes me laugh out loud!

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Knowing the Language of Appreciation

uberlumen — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 18:06:17 +0000

I had a fascinating conversation with a USC Business School Professor last week. He pointed out that only 37% of employees feel appreciated at their job, and the majority don’t trust their leaders. What would a world look like where employee’s felt truly appreciated?
Are these employees being shown appreciation, but it isn’t landing? What do you need to hear to feel appreciated? It is different for different people. I feel appreciated when I am verbally affirmed, but my bride feels appreciated when I give her my undivided attention.
So maybe these employees are being appreciated, but they are not feeling appreciated?? How could we better learn how to show our appreciation in the “language” that would be heard by our employees, co-workers, spouses, kids? Curious? I have some GREAT ideas on how to REALLY show those around you that you appreciate them. Email me if you are interested!

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The Power of the Halo Effect & Perception

uberlumen — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 13:34:05 +0000

In 1946, Solomon Asch did an experiment in which he created 2 lists of attributes that describe an individual. After 2 separate groups of people were given either list A or list B, they were given an additional list of attributes and instructed to indicate other qualities an individual might have. The 2 lists had the same attributes: intelligent, skillful, industrious, determined, practical, and cautious. However list A had one additional attribute: warm, and list B had the additional attribute: cold.

Based on these 2 attributes, each group selected different lists of attributes for the individuals. List A with the warm attribute chose additional attributes of happy, good-natured, generous, humorous, wise, etc. while List B with the cold attribute chose additional attributes of serious, strong, reliable, persistent, etc.

Other research has confirmed this amazing finding of human perception. The conclusions to these experiments are as follows:

Perceptions are colored by small pieces of information, which may or may not be correct.

Initial impressions are used to create an overall view of a person. Knowing a few things, we then fill in the missing pieces in our minds.

We do not form an overall view of someone by painstakingly assembling all of the pieces.

Certain characteristics or attributes are consistently linked together.

Attributes are clustered into various dimension in the minds of most people.

WOW! I am SO thankful that I am an ER doctor as one of my careers. I get plenty of opportunities to meet total strangers and continue to work on my ability to given them the proper first impression of who I truly am.

I had NO idea that our first impressions are based on so little and often incorrect information, and our perceptions are formed with so little information.

This is further evidence that perception and perspective work in coaching is so life changing because so much of who we are and who we can become is painted by our perceptions, our perspectives, and those around us.

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3 Keys to Great Leadership

uberlumen — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 14:55:24 +0000

by Justin Menkes

Based on your experience, what traits are needed for a federal leader to be successful?

There are three attributes that I think best enable a leader to maximize the efforts of the 21^st century workforce: realistic optimism, subservience to purpose and finding order in chaos.

What is realistic optimism?

Realistic optimism is especially important for a federal workforce. I think that if you’re going to lead people, you can’t sit there and tell them, “Everything’s going to be fine.”

When you look at poor performing or inept leaders, you find they are often incredibly optimistic. The difference is that they have blind optimism. So, if you say, “We will conquer all. The obstacles and adversities you’re discussing are not important for you to worry about because we’re going to win anyway,” you’ll lose them.

But those with realistic optimism are the ones that say, “These are the challenges that we face and these are some of our proposed solutions. None of us is sure what the final solutions to each problem will look like, but here are our contingency plans for trying to address them. And, I do believe that together, as a group, we’re going to meet our challenges. I have no doubt about it.” That is what it looks like to express realistic optimism.

What about subservience to purpose?

Today, a paycheck is not enough. Workers have to get out of bed every morning believing in what they’re doing. They have to believe that their presence and the activities that they perform on any given day will make positive, meaningful impacts on the world.

Southwest Airlines is a great example. Their people outperform competitors on every metric of productivity that exists. They believe that not only the rich should be able to fly in this country. So they’re going to get those airplanes off the ground on time and as inexpensively as possible, because they believe that that’s an important mission for America. This sense of purpose has lasted since Herb Kelleher founded the airline 35 years ago.

Explain bringing order to chaos.

Finding order in chaos is critical. Leaders cannot throw up their hands and give up. In many ways, today’s workforce has fallen behind in this area. It’s not being trained to find joy in the pressure-filled situations that we face. In the world and the economy today, there is more unfamiliar than familiar. So, you’ve got to get comfortable with it.

The best example of this is A.G. Lafley at Proctor and Gamble. Before he retired, he was in Brazil watching housewives do their laundry in the bayous. When I asked him why, he said that his company had introduced a laundry detergent that should have been hugely popular among this particular Brazilian population. The detergent required no rinse cycle for clothes to be clean, [but] nobody wanted to buy it. Ultimately, what he found out was that the detergent didn’t make suds. As soon as they added suds, the women felt like the product was working. They started using the detergent and the product became a huge hit.

How can current senior federal leaders cultivate these three attributes in their emerging executives?

There are some wonderful things they can do. One of the great teachers of realist optimism is David Novak at Yum Brands. One of the things he’s done is use catch phrases. He found that when people are not taking responsibility or accountability for their actions, being realistic but optimistic is achievable.

He introduced this phrase called ‘victimitis.’ So whenever people would say, “Oh, it’s not my fault,” or attempt to defend their bad actions, all of their colleagues would say, “Victimitis, victimitis!”

Part of what he did was about building a culture and giving people tools they can effectively use — and in some places, playfully use. We need to remind ourselves that our destinies are in some ways beyond our control, but that our day-to-day, work-to-work, minute-to-minute experiences are still very much under our control.

As a leader, if you’re sitting there having to block Internet sites on your employees’ computers, you’ve already lost the battle. You have to have them be interested and motivated to do their work without you looking over their shoulders.

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