1. Don’t rely on a single expert’s advice, get a second or even a third opinion.

2. Do your own research and determine your potential decision options BEFORE you meet with an expert.

I would have loved to not only know of this research but to also really absorb and embrace its truth before some key experiences in my life with “experts” in fields outside of my expertise.  Yes even doctors can fall into this trap of trusting advice from other “experts”, and I can vividly remember several incidences in which my brain shut down/shut off because I was with an “expert”

Expert Advice Shuts Your Brain Down Article

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He proceeded to share a little known story about his time working with General Patton.  The patient told me that even his own grandkids don’t ask nor seem interested in his life experiences.  It was an interesting and amazing patient interaction.  I left that conversation so energized that the last 2 hours of my shift flew by.

Reflecting on this event, reminds me of the power of our ability to choose what perspective we will be in and what powerful question we can ask of ourselves and others.  Perspective: It is amazing to me how quickly I can shift from ‘dog tired’ perspective to ‘wow what an incredible patient and story’ perspective–shifting from falling asleep to being fully awake–better than any cup of caffeine!  Question: It is fun and shocking the power of a question to shift our thoughts and energy levels.  I recently asked at a dinner party: What do you crave?  This one question made for a deep and meaningful and laughter filled discussion.

What is the question that you could ask at work and at home that would energize or change your day for the better?

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The other ‘voice’ is that of the Sage.  It tells us things like, “You are enough.” and “It is possible.” and “You can do it.”  It turns out that if we train ourselves to listen to this ‘voice’, our brain runs/functions much better in fact studies have shown over 30-40% better!  When we listen to this positive Sage ‘voice’, our brains are flooded with dopamine and serotonin–chemicals that immediately enhance our brains learning centers allowing us to think more quickly and creatively, solve problems better and see and create new ways of doing things.

If you are like me, you hear the ‘voice’ of the saboteur more than the Sage.  And if you are not hearing the saboteur, it means that you have not become aware of it or it is doing a great job of tricking you into believing that it is speaking the truth
or at least speaking things that are helping you.  The saboteur may have convinced you that without it’s advice you would make stupid choices or become lazy, but nothing is further from the truth.  The saboteur ‘voice’ that says, “Now, that was a stupid thing to do.” often will continue that mantra over and over again creating more sleeplessness and more anxiety whereas the Sage’s approach might be to say, “So you made a mistake, to err is human, and this mistake could be made into an opportunity depending on how you react to it.”

Ok. Interesting.  Now what.  The key to weakening The saboteur ‘voice’ (note: most of us have multiple Saboteur ‘voices’ such as a judger and a pleaser and a controller etc.) is:
1. Don’t fight them/it
2. Simply observe and notice the saboteur thoughts and feelings when they arise
3. Tag or label these thoughts or feelings every time you notice them (some who are in training against the saboteur will keep a journal or jot down a quick note when they notice the saboteur thoughts and feelings aka ‘voice’)

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Solutions?  Burn the To-Do list?  Maybe.

1. Practice Present Perfect: Our brains are designed to be in the present moment, but our To-Do lists and overwhelm feelings and thoughts are predominantly in the future.  The studies show that by not being focused in the present our brainsare much less efficient so the overwhelm and To-Do lists are actually making us less productive.  How do we practice being more present?  Keep a 3×5 card in your pocket or jot down notes in your smartphone when you are in a moment that you have lost track of time in.  These moments of flow are the present moments that bathe our brain in the chemicals that make us more efficient, more productive, and are the antidote for overwhelm.

2. Purpose:  It is easy to live in the land of overwhelm when we lose site of our purpose.  When was the last time you were truly thrilled? What was your most recent peak experience?  Tapping into these moments will help you focus on doing the things that you were made to do.  The things that you were made to do are those things that thrill you.  Get in touch with your thrilling moments and you will begin to get in touch with your Yes’s.  Now list the 1-5 things that you most love to do at work, at home, etc.  This is your YES list.   These are the To-Do items that you were designed to Do and Be with.

3. Prioritize:  Starting with No’s leads to less overwhelm and more YES.  I recently challenged one of my clients to put together a list of 50 No’s.  50 items that he is going to say no to.  What is on our list of No’s?  Which of these No’s are you going to commit to?  I would love to say No to checking my email on my smartphone when out to dinner…..The NO list is the list that frees us up to say YES.

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not taking notice of those around me, not connecting, and not taking in all that is available in the moments.

This video reminds me to slow down and be mindful of those around me and to stop and take in each and every moment as if it were our last.

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The Geko takes over when we are feeling stressed or out of control, and it reacts with fight or flight.  Unfortunately, This does not happen consciously, and The Gecko causes us not to think straight, react instead of act, fight first ask questions later, and put our foot in our mouth.  When stresses pile up and we feel out of control, the Gecko shows up, and we become less productive, effective, and lose our decision-making abilities.  In fact, scientific studies have shown that when we experience too much stress and overwhelm, our performance tanks.  Stressful things like financial loss are actually processed in the same area of the brain that responds to mortal danger aka The Gecko area.  We have all learned often the hard way that we make horrible decisions when we are under financial stress or any type of stress.

How can we be more Geek and less Gecko?

1. Self-awareness.  Studies show that when you put people under high levels of stress, those who are quickest to recover are those who can identify how they are feeling and express their feelings into words.  Scientists, using brain scans, confirm that people who talk about and/or write about their feelings at the time they are experiencing negative emotions immediately over come these negative thoughts and feelings which improves their well-being and enhances their decision making skills.
2. Make 2 lists: things you have control over and things that you don’t.  Burn the list that you have no control over–they are out of your control! And focus on the areas that you have control over.  So no news is good news after all.  I have made it a habit of not reading the newspaper and watching the news on TV because it only stresses me out.  Now I know why it stresses me out, and why it has been scientifically shown to be counterproductive.  It fills my brain with things that I have no control over allowing my Gecko to run wild.  So maybe we should change the phrase “G.I.G.O” from Garbage In Garbage Out to Garbage In Gecko Out.

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Is anyone else tired of being realistic?  A saboteur (or gremlin) is a self limiting voice that whispers into our mind.  The saboteur is the voice that “shoulds” on us.  It tells us what we should do not what we can be.

Realistic is the penultimate saboteur.  I can hear the voice: “You will never be able to do that, be realistic.”

Let us today press pause on that voice, and listen to the other voice-the voice that speaks to our heart and soul.  The voice that says, “You can do it!”

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My wife has told him that he now must go today to appologize to the teacher admitting to her that he was wrong and that he is sorry.

You should see the tears that came from this.  He is very upset.  But this is a life lesson: Admit when you are wrong and say you are sorry.

I was reminded of Eisenhower’s letter and Lincoln’s humility.  Eisenhower when he was the commander of the allied forces held in his coat pocket a letter addressed to the troops and to the world admitting that he was entirely to blame for the failure of D-Day invasion (obviously he never had to send it).  Lincoln was always ready and willing to admit his failures and mistakes.

The #1 sign of a true leader is humility which shows itself by admitting when you are wrong and being willing to say we are sorry.

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Face: His dad had this incredible gift of face time.  When he looked at you face to face, you knew that you were all that mattered at that time and in that space.  What an incredible message for all of us to stop and remember EVERY time we meet someone.  Face to Face, Undivided attention, Smile, Presence.

Hands: His dad had a warm and inviting hand shake, and he could build, fix, and do almost anything with his hands.  He told one of his granddaughters: “It doesn’t have to be easy.  It just has to be possible.”  He lived this out.  He was able to do almost anything and solve almost any problem with his hands.

I am so blessed to have my friend who has inherited Eugene Walter Egan’s gifts of Face Time and Hands that can do anything.

“Gene was a lover of sports and a longtime softball player, most recently playing on several senior softball teams at Elings Park. He was renowned for his inventive mind and can-do attitude: Gene could create a solution for anything with items on hand, often using astonishing materials. He was active in his community, with a never failing response to anyone in need. Gene loved to travel and visit with his friends and extended family, always passionate about spreading love and his zest for life to others. He was blessed with the gift of making every person feel special and was so generous with family, friends and neighbors. His welcoming smile, his sense of humor and his positive spirit will be greatly missed. ’nuff said.”

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This article points out that well being is more important measure than work life balance.  If we have great work life balance but we hate our work and our life, then even though we have work life balance, we are miserable.  We need to look to well being: finding ways to be happy and content in our work and our life.

Why Work-Life Balance Isn’t Balanced

It’s necessary, but not sufficient. Here’s why focusing on wellbeing makes more sense.

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