This is principle #5 in Carnegie’s book,  How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Lowndes book,  How to Talk to Anyone also points out the importance of smiling.

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Example #1: Volunteers were given scrambled sentences and one group was given a group of scrambled sentences that were about rudeness and the other group was given a group of scrambled sentences about being patient.  The group that had just found the words relating to rudeness were much more likely to interrupt the interviewer’s phone conversation.  Very interesting.

Example #2: The other example they did is they had again 2 groups but this time one group got scrambled sentences with words to be found about being old and the other group had random words.  These two groups of participants were then timed from when they left the office, where the testing was done till they reach the elevator and they found that there is a significant slower pace to the group of people that were finding the words that were related to being old elderly.

Example #3: One group was asked to think of a very smart person and then answer trivial pursuit type questions vs. another group that was asked to think of a very stupid person and then answer the same trivial pursuit type questions.  The group thinking of the smart person did better at answering the trivial pursuit questions!

Example #4:  Finally the last example is from the tipping point by Malcolm Gladwell and in this book he discusses a very interesting story regarding the good Samaritan.   Princeton University psychologist met with a group of seminarians people studying to become a pastor’s and they were trying to answer the question who would stop and help a person who is slumped in the alley head down, eyes closed coughing and groaning.  One group was told that they were late to the class that they were going to teach and they are expected in only a few minutes so they better get moving quickly.  The other group were told that they have enough time to get over to the classroom.  What they found was that on several occasions the seminary students going to give their lecture which was actually on the parable of the good Samaritan literally stepped over the mock victim as he hurried on his way.  What they say is of the group that was in a rush 10% stopped to help, but of the group that was not in a rush that had some time to spare 63% stopped and helped.  This study suggests that the convictions of your heart and the actual contents of your thoughts are less important in the end in guiding one’s actions than the immediate context of your behavior.

All of these studies suggest that we as individuals must be very cognizant of the world around us and to influence it in a positive way, to show a good character,  we must be aware of our surroundings and slow down.  Those with truly great character do the right thing no matter if they are late for a meeting nor are they influenced in a negative way by their surroundings.

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Jesus says, “Mack, just like love, submission is not something that you can do, especially not on your own.  Apart from my life inside of you, you can’t submit to Nan, or your children, or anyone else in your life, including Papa.”

“You mean…that I can’t just ask, ‘What Would Jesus Do’?”

Jesus says, “Good intentions, bad idea…my life was not meant to be an example to copy.  Being my follower is not trying to ‘be like Jesus,’ it means for your independence to be killed.  I came to give you life, real life, my life.  We will come and live our life inside of you, so that you begin to see with  our eyes, and hear with out ears, and touch with our hands, and think like we do…”

Mack says, “This must be the dying daily that Sarayu was talking about…”

“I have been crucified with Christ.  I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me.”-Galatians 2: 20

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I started the New Year resolved to read through the Bible (again).  As I read Matthew chapter 5, I was struck (again and again) by its beauty and transforming power.  On the same day, I just happen to pick up A.W. Tozer’s book: The Pursuit of God that I have been reading for months and turn to chapter 9 which starts with a discussion of the beginning of Matthew chapter 5–‘coincidence’? Unlikely.

Tozer points out that most of what constitutes evil, pain, and suffering in our world comes from you know who….you and me!

“In the world of men we find nothing approaching the virtues of which Jesus spoke in the opening words of the famous Sermon on the Mount. Instead of poverty of spirit we find the rankest kind of pride; instead of mourners we find pleasure seekers; instead of meekness, arrogance; instead of hunger after righteousness we hear men saying, `I am rich and increased with goods and have need of nothing’; instead of mercy we find cruelty; instead of purity of heart, corrupt imaginings; instead of peacemakers we find men quarrelsome and resentful; instead of rejoicing in mistreatment we find them fighting back with every weapon at their command…these are the evils which make life the bitter struggle it is for all of us. All our heartaches and a great many of our physical ills spring directly out of our sins. Pride, arrogance, resentfulness, evil imaginings, malice, greed: these are the sources of more human pain than all the diseases that ever afflicted mortal flesh.”

His words are oxygen to a patient gasping for air.  Christ alone knows how to ease our suffering, our pain, our burdens…

“Into a world like this the sound of Jesus’ words comes wonderful and strange, a visitation from above. It is well that He spoke, for no one else could have done it as well; and it is good that we listen. His words are the essence of truth. He is not offering an opinion; Jesus never uttered opinions. He never guessed; He knew, and He knows.”

“`Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’ (Mat 11:28-30) Here we have two things standing in contrast to each other, a burden and a rest. The burden is not a local one, peculiar to those first hearers, but one which is borne by the whole human race. It consists not of political oppression or poverty or hard work. It is far deeper than that. It is felt by the rich as well as the poor for it is something from which wealth and idleness can never deliver us. The burden borne by mankind is a heavy and a crushing thing. The word Jesus used means a load carried or toil borne to the point of exhaustion. Rest is simply release from that burden. It is not something we do, it is what comes to us when we cease to do. His own meekness, that is the rest.”

In coming posts we will examine our burdens…

The post Part #1: Burdens, Rest, and Meekness: Matthew 5 and Chapter 9 of The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer appeared first on LAWSON COACHING & CONSULTING.

Really? I would agree….10 years ago.  But then…I had no friends that really knew me, that I could share my deepest fears and joys with…I had a marriage that was ok…I was lonely, anxious….

Men’s Group has rescued and transformed my life: I have friends that KNOW me…that I share my fears and joys with…who help guide me…who make me a better husband and a better father.  I have a marriage that is filled with joy. I have men who have surrounded me with love, prayer, and fellowship and who have rescued me.

What is the trick? Just show up.  Yes. It is that easy. Join us.

We are starting up again and going to have an exciting study from the Biblical book of Timothy with an emphasis on Leadership.

• WHEN: Wednesday’s from 6:45am-8:00am
• STARTING: January 5, 2010
• WHAT: 1 Timothy
• WHERE: North Park Community Center (NOTE: It is best to enter the housing complex off of Portola Parkway because then when you go through the gate the club house where we are meeting is straight ahead of you.

View North Park Community Center in a larger map

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How to pray? As I have mentioned, I am a rookie at focused time in
prayer to God, and I often don’t know how to start/what to say to
God….so I always fall back on a simple neumonic: A.C.T.S.
A: Adore God–tell God all the ways and reasons why you adore Him.
C: Confess to God–God is your secret sharer–tell Him ALL your
struggles, secrets, etc.
T: Thank God–tell God what you are thankful for…
S: Supplication–ASK! “Supplication is a continual praying–an ongoing quest for God’s will…”-Jack Hayford

…this usually takes up at least 10-15 minutes…I set my timer and so
often the alarm goes off and I am shocked at how fast the time with
God goes by….(Please don’t use a timer if you don’t have to or want
to…it is just my way to not worry about looking at my watch…It
helps me focus on God for the entire time…)

Finally, I would emphasize the practice of praying continually:  Wake up with the meditative image of Jesus waiting for you to wake up and start His adventure for the day with you, and spend each and every moment with God in prayer throughout the day…

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Forgiveness is VERY important to God and for us to embrace.

There is only ONE thing that we are called to do in the entire Lord’s Prayer:  “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors…”-Matthew 6:12

God, as represented by the King in Matthew 18, gets angry with those He has forgiven of an payable debt refuse to forgive others of a very small debt:

“…so My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trepasses…”-Matthew 18:35 (see also Matthew 6:14-15)

What will God do to us if we don’t forgive?  He will ‘hand us over to the torturers’ (Matt 18:34).  What?! What does this mean?!  It means that God turns His people who refuse to forgive others over to the painful consequences of their own unforgiveness until the person, from their heart, forgives others their trespasses (debts).  We will torment OURSELVES until we open our hearts and forgive.

3 key points to remember:

• Jesus: “Jesus forgave you.  You can choose to forgive others.”
• Justice: “Vengeance belongs to God, not to you or me.”
• Jailer: “You are your own jailer.  Your torment won’t end until you forgive.  Then it will end immediately.  You will be free. And that is what God wants for you.”

2 gifts occur when we forgive:

• “The person who brought injury has been forgiven…”
• “and a person who offended God by not forgiving has also been forgiven…” (see this post for a powerful story about this interchange)

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To quell or not to quell?

To Quell:  YES! Join the crowd of men with distant non-emotive fathers from a family of origin of quellers.  This is me.  I am a queller.  I have been well trained in the art.  I even get a small whiff of emotion and I run for cover.  The problem: Quelling leads to men (and women) who don’t know what to do with their emotions.  We try to stuff them down deep, hide them, pretend they don’t exist, cover them with logic and hard work, but they are there in a very powerful way.  We hide them only to realize that they direct so many of our actions.  Even worse, the queller is prone to incredible outbursts of emotions often acting shocked, “Where did those come from?!”  Under extreme stress emotions boil over into rage and angry explosions.

The queller has been trained in the art of disconnect.  We are the superhero’s that are calm powerhouses of intellect and logic within our families of origin that are unraveling by alcohol and dysfunction.  Robotic, we move through life seemingly unphased.  Our war cry (sorry whisper):  “I don’t need people! I don’t need emotional connection!”

When in reality that is what life is ALL about: Connectedness, relationship.  Only when I was dropped to my knees by catastrophic circumstances in my own life was I finally forced to lean on my wife and others.  And it was extremely painful for me to reach out to others.

Not to Quell:

“…listening to your emotions ushers you into reality and reality is where you meet God”-Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

This is the way of true life:  Knowing and embracing the reality of our emotions.  The key is to be aware of what I am feeling, being aware of my emotions because otherwise we let our emotions fester and smolder and control us.

How do we listen to our emotions?  How do we embrace and welcome our emotions as the window to reality?

We need to learn to get into a rhythm with our emotions.  A few ‘tricks’ can be used.  The first is called ‘tagging’.  Recognize when anger, frustration, and other emotions are starting to boil and ‘tag’ then to discuss and retrieve them at a later time.  Develop a pattern or rhythm of checking in with your spouse or close friend to discuss these ‘tagged’ emotions.  The other ‘trick’ is to recognize your emotions before they overtake you.  Recognize the situations and times when you can start to feel your emotions bubbling over and intervene at that moment.  Recognize and analyze why the situation is giving you that emotional response.  In time, this approach will allow you to acknowledge your emotions and address them in healthier ways rather than waiting until they sneak up and explode on you and those around you.

Finally, what can I do when my emotions (anger, frustration, etc) start to boil over?  Here is the challenge as Teresa Avila said, “…learn to sit in the weeds (of your emotions)…”  What is God trying to say to me through this emotion?  Why am I feeling this emotion in this situation?  What is the emotion saying about me?  Emotions are simply a guide.  Take a ‘time out’ to listen to God’s whisper, and remember that He is ALWAYS whispering to YOU that He loves and adores and DELIGHTS in YOU!

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Why do police departments generally do not allow their officers to participate in high speed chases?  What is the cause of most medical errors? Answer: Emotions.  Really? Yes.

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink,  Gladwell points out that there is a physiological response to stress/fear/anger/ie our emotions.  One of the findings reported by a police officer who has studied police shooting incidents has found that when we are stressed and our heart rate goes about 145 beats per minute we start to lose our ability to reason, think clearly, etc.  There is a sweet spot to stress when our heart rate is between 110-145 our body responds by making our ability to think clearly sharper in this heart rate range.  Some police departments have banned high speed car chases for this very reason.  They have found that the police in a high speed chase are so stressed that they will often respond by being overly aggressive at the time of arrest.

Dr. Groopman in How Doctors Think points out that most medical errors are related to our emotions…

“But what I and my colleagues rarely recognized, and what physicians still rarely discussed as medical students, interns, residents, and indeed throughout their professional lives, is how other emotions influence a doctor’s perceptions and judgments, his actions and reactions. I long believed that the errors we made in medicine were largely technical ones—prescribing the wrong dose of a drug, transfusing a unit of blood matched for another person, mislabeling an x-ray of an arm as “right” instead of “left.” But as a growing body of research shows, technical errors account for only a small fraction of our incorrect diagnoses and treatments. Most errors are mistakes in thinking. And part of what causes these cognitive errors is our inner feelings, feelings we do not readily admit to and often don’t even recognize.”

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