Category Archives: Spiritual Growth

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DOing BEing Rest And Wholeheartedness

The poet David Whyte tells of a conversation with his mentor:
Mentor: David, the antidote to exhaustion is not rest.
Whyte: What do you mean the antidote to exhaustion is not rest?
Mentor: The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness.

There are so many of us who run ourselves so frantically that we are exhausted, and we say, ‘If only I could get some rest.’ What if rest is not what we need? What if it is not about rest but about wholeheartedness?

We see it as a matter of DOing vs. BEing. What if there isn’t a versus? What if we could create BEing inside of all of our DOing, create wholeheartedness within all of our DOing? Maybe the antidote to all of our DOing is simply to BE in the NOW, in the MOMENT with each of our DOing activities? What if all of our DOing could be with wholeheartedness?

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Running Towards The Roar

So many times in life, we hesitate. We miss the opportunities before us because of that little voice inside our head that tells us: “we can’t do that” “you are not enough” “you are going to fail” What would our lives be if we ran past that little voice into the arms of our fears? or dreams?

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Love Woke Me Up This Morning

“Love woke me up this morning…”-lyric from Dreamer by Bethany Dillon

Did love wake you up this morning?
When did love wake you up?
Does love wake me up every morning, but I am not aware of it?
How can we keep that love alive throughout our days?
What if love is the fabric of our everything, but we miss seeing it?

What if love was resurrected 2011 years ago?
What if love is resurrected every day?
What would it look like for us to experience this love every moment of every day?

Happy Easter!

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One Country, One Destiny

Brooks Brothers created a coat for Lincoln. Lincoln asked that they embroider a large eagle and the wording: One Country, One Destiny so that that symbol and those words would be against his skin at all times. Seeing this coat with the visible blood stains across the embroidered eagle was the most powerful moment for me in my visit last week to Washington D.C. It was a reminder of my favorite president, his incredible convictions, his life, and his tragic death. It was also an amazing illustration of a structure. A structure is a tool used by someone as a reminder of something that is important, a goal, a vision, an action step (like tying a ribbon around a tree, or a string around a finger, or carrying a trinket in your pocket, or a sticky note on your mirror, etc). Leave it to Lincoln to have such a inspiring, moving, visionary structure.

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Love Our Neighbors

In today’s excerpt – in 1630, John Winthrop, leader of the religious colonists who would establish the Massachusetts Bay Colony, delivered to them a sermon that is now considered one of the most important documents in setting forth a vision of America, “A Model of Christian Charity”. Anticipating the hardships they will encounter during the coming months and years, it centers on the impossible idea that we should love our neighbors as ourselves:

“It makes sense that Winthrop, a man accustomed to setting lofty goals for himself, would then set lofty goals for the colony he is about to lead. ‘A Model of Christian Charity’ is the blueprint of his communal aspirations. Standing before his shipmates, Winthrop stares down the Sermon on the Mount, as every Christian must.

“[It presages] Martin Luther King, Jr., doing just that on November 17, 1957, in Montgomery’s Dexter Avenue Baptist Church. He concluded the learned discourse that came to be known as the ‘loving your enemies’ sermon this way: ‘So this morning, as I look into your eyes and into the eyes of all my brothers in Alabama and all over America , and over the world, I say to you, ‘I love you. I would rather die than hate you.’ ”

“Go ahead and reread that. That is hands down the most beautiful, strange, impossible, but most of all radical thing a human being can say. And it comes from reading the most beautiful, strange, impossible, but most of all radical civics lesson ever taught, when Jesus of Nazareth went to a hill in Galilee and told his disciples, ‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you.’

“The Bible is a big long book and lord knows within its many mansions of eccentricity finding justification for literal and figurative witch hunts is as simple as pretending ‘enhanced investigation techniques’ is not a synonym for torture. I happen to be with King in proclaiming the Sermon on the Mount’s call for love to be at the heart of Christian behavior, and one of us got a Ph.D. in systematic theology.

” ‘Man,’ Winthrop reminds his shipmates in ‘Christian Charity,’ is ‘commanded to love his neighbor as himself.’ In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus puts the new in New Testament, informing his followers that they must do something way more difficult than being fond of the girl next door. Winthrop quotes him yet again. Matthew 5:44: ‘Love your enemies … do good to them that hate you.’

“He also cites Romans I 2:20: ‘If thine enemy hunger, feed him.’

“The colonists of Massachusetts Bay are not going to be any better at living up to this than any other government in Christendom. (Just ask the Pequot, or at least the ones the New Englanders didn’t burn to death.) In fact, nobody can live up to this, but it’s the mark of a Christ-like Christian to know that he’s supposed to.

“Winthrop’s future neighbors? Not so much. In fact, one of his ongoing difficulties as governor of the colony is going to be that his charges find him far too lenient. For instance, when one of his fellow Massachusetts Bay magistrates accuses Winthrop of dillydallying on punishment by letting some men who had been banished continue to hang around Boston, Winthrop points out that the men had been banished, not sentenced to be executed. And since they had been banished in the dead of winter, Winthrop let them stay until a thaw so that their eviction from Massachusetts wouldn’t cause them to freeze to death on their way out of town. I can hear the threatening voice-over in his opponent’s attack ad come the next election. John Winthrop: soft on crime.

“This leads us to something undeniably remarkable: ‘A Model of Christian Charity’ was not written by a writer or a minister but rather by a governor. It isn’t just a sermon, it is an act of leadership. And even if no one heard it, or no one was listening, it is, at the very least, a glimpse at what the chief executive officer of the Massachusetts Bay Colony believed he and this grumpy few before him were supposed to shoot for come dry land. Two words, he says: ‘justice and mercy.’

“For ‘a community of perils,’ writes Winthrop, ‘calls for extraordinary liberality.’ One cannot help but feel for this man. Here he is, pleading with Puritans to be flexible. In promoting what he calls ‘enlargement toward others,’ Winthrop has clearly thought through the possible pitfalls awaiting them on shore. He is worried about basic survival. He should be. He knows that half the Plymouth colonists perished in the first year. Thus he is reminding them of Christ’s excruciating mandate to share. If thine enemy hunger, feed him.”

Author: Sarah Vowell
Title: The Wordy Shipmates
Publisher: Penguin
Date: Copyright 2008 by Sarah Vowell
Pages: 45-47

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C.U.L.P. Initiative Assignment #2: Eat, Pray, Love

Earlier this year (2011), I posted on C.U.L.P.–Conspiracy to overcome the Upper Limit Problem–a ‘club’ or challenge for any adventurous and/or willing individuals.  The first movie to play with was: King’s Speech.

This is the second “assignment” for those of you following along with the C.U.L.P. initiative (Conspiracy {lit. breathing & walking together} to overcome the Upper Limit Problem). I don’t agree with all that is said and done in this movie, but it holds some magical concepts.

What is the word(s) for your town/city?

What is YOUR word(s)? (to describe who you truly are)

What is your spouses word(s)?

Describe/explore your favorite meal.

Who is God?

What do you want?

What thrills you?

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What I Didn’t Know About The Civil War

I recently finished an extensive college course on the civil war offered by the teaching company.  A few things that I didn’t realize (or forgot from my school days):

the vote to succeed was close in many confederate states at least closer than I thought…in fact, I didn’t even realize there was a vote.

It was ALL about slavery.

2 key players who exhibited high EQ Emotional Quotient): Lincoln–Throughout his life, he showed incredible EQ, and it was exhibited with, at times controversial, full pardons for the confederates.  Longstreet–While many of his confederate General peers remained loyal to the confederate causes and looked down upon him as a turn coat, he went on to join the Northern political party of the time period: Republicans, remained politically active, moves on with his life to assimilate with the United States.

Finally, I am once again struck by origin sin.  An ancient Christian principle that points to all of us having some inherent sin (lit. missing the mark) nature.  This ubiquitous finding is seen over and over again, and it is especially prominent in any conflict–especially the Civil War.

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Robbie Tribute: Words of Wisdom

My friend and partner’s son died 2 weeks ago.  He was 14 with severe cerebal palsy.  At his funeral, it was mentioned that he only spoke 4 words.  “Good” and “I love you.”  Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all only spoke those few words?!

My friend and partner spoke at the grave site and said that he has been angry and questioning God only 2 times in his life: The first when Robbie was born, and the now the second when God took Robbie from him.  WOW! The powerful truth that so often the only way to the mountain tops is through the valleys of life.

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Top 10 Book: Present Perfect by Greg Boyd

As most of you know, I am a crazy reader.  It is rare for me to come across such a powerful book.  I place this one in my top 10 best books that I have every read!  It is short and simple, and as the author states:  “I’ve become absolutely convinced that remaining aware of God’s presence is the single most important task in the life of every follower of Jesus.” (location 143-156)

“…we must first seek to submit to God’s reign in each and every moment.  When we do this, de Caussade proclaims, we transform ordinary moments into sacred moments, and our life becomes a living sacrament.  He and millions of others have discovered that this continual submission is the key to experiencing the fullness of God’s love, joy, and peace.”” (location 169-183)

“All that matters is…to belong totally to God, to please him, making our sole happiness to look on the present moment as though nothing else in the world mattered.”-J.P. de Caussade

“I have found that we can establish ourselves in a sense of the presence of God by continually talking with Him.”-Brother Lawrence

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Chilean mine rescue: Resourcefulness of Humanity

The news is filled with the brokenness of humanity so it is a breath of fresh air to hear of the ingenuity and wonder of humanity.

This article explains the incredible complexity and detail used to save the chilean miners. Inspirational to hear the careful, brilliant thought out plans…

http://www.epmonthly.com/features/current-features/emergency-care-in-a-chilean-mine/

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Play in the Now

Recently, I have been learning a great deal about time. The best time, and many would argue, the only time is in the now. This book excerpt is a fun reminder to live in the now. Play in the now. Stop rushing around this season. Be IN the NOW.

It comes as no surprise that the God of the universe’s earliest name for us to call Him was/is: I AM. The great eternal now.

In today’s encore excerpt – for those who are already expert at their craft there are perils to rushing or overrehearsing. Here Paul Shaffer frantically tries to reach Sammy Davis Jr. to select a song and schedule rehearsal before his appearance on the David Letterman show:

“Every time I called [Sammy Davis Jr. to try and select a song or discuss rehearsal] he was either working or sleeping. He never did return my calls.

The morning of the show I was feeling some panic. Sammy was flying in and we still didn’t know what he wanted to sing. At 10 a.m. the floor manager said I had a backstage call. It was Sammy calling from the plane.

‘ ‘Once in My Life’ will be fine Paul’ he said. ‘Key of E going into F.’

‘Great!’ I was relieved.

I was also eager to work out an arrangement. We whipped up a chart, nursed it, rehearsed it, and put it on tape. That way when Sammy arrived he could hear it.

Then another backstage call. Sammy’s plane had landed early and he was on his way over. When I greeted him at the backstage door with a big ‘We’re thrilled you’re here,’ I was a little taken aback. He looked extremely tired and frail. He walked with a cane.

‘We have an arrangement, Sam. You can rehearse it with the band.’

‘No need baby. Gotta conserve my energy. I’m just gonna go to my room and shower.’

‘I wanna make it easy for you. So I’ll just play you a tape of the arrangement on the boom box. That way you’ll hear what we’ve done and tell me if it’s okay.’

‘Man I know the song.’

‘I know Sam,’ I said ‘but what if you don’t like the chart?’

‘I’ll like it, I’ll like it.’

‘But what if the key’s not right?’

‘Okay, if you insist.’

I slipped the cassette in the boom box and hit ‘play.’ To my ears the chart sounded great. Sammy closed his eyes and in Sammy style nodded his head up and down to the groove. He smiled.

‘It’s swinging man,’ he said ‘but think of how much more fun we could have had if I hadn’t heard this tape.’

His words still resonate in my ears; the notion still haunts me. Sammy sung that night but as he was performing, I couldn’t help thinking that his carefree feeling about time – as opposed to my lifelong notion of the pressure of the time – was coming from a higher spiritual plane. As a musician, I’ve always thought I rushed. I still think I rush. The great players never rush.

It reminds me of that moment when I watched Ray Charles turn to his guitarist just as the young guy was about to solo and say, ‘Take your time son. Take your time.’ ”

Author: Paul Shaffer
Title: We’ll Be Here for the Rest of Our Lives
Publisher: Flying Dolphin Press
Date: Copyright 2009 by Paul Shaffer Enterprises Inc.
Pages: 234-235

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C.U.L.P. Initiative Assignment #1: King’s Speech

This year a few of my friends are helping me to explore the Upper Limit Problem(s) in our lives. I hope to share a few thoughts via movies etc. to explore this concept throughout 2011. The 1st “assignment” is watching the movie titled: King’s Speech.

WOW! This is a MUST see movie. It is about relationships, friendship, and a new concept that I am just starting to explore based on The Big Leap by Hendricks.

The Upper Limit Problem is the concept that we all live in our little box of excellence: we have acquired through experience a comfortable space of expertise.

The Upper Limit Problem is the human tendency to put the brakes on our positive “energy”/feelings when we’ve exceeded our unconscious thermostat setting for how good we can feel, how successful we can be, and how much love we can feel.

Questions to explore:

What was the King’s Upper Limit Problem(s)?

How did he overcome them?

What are your Upper Limit Problem(s)?

How can you overcome them?

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C.U.L.P. Initiative: Conspiracy to overcome the Upper Limit Problem

C.U.L.P. New Year’s Initiative

Conspiracy to overcome the Upper Limit Problem (concept from the book titled: The Big Leap)…

Conspiracy is from 2 latin words; and it literally means to breathe together. I think that is cool.

I definitely suffer from The Upper Limit Problem.

The Upper Limit Problem is the concept that we all live in our little box of excellence: we have acquired through experience a comfortable space of expertise.

The Upper Limit Problem is the human tendency to put the brakes on our positive “energy”/feelings when we’ve exceeded our unconscious thermostat setting for how good we can feel, how successful we can be, and how much love we can feel. The items to explore are:

1. What keeps us from going up? Getting beyond our upper limit…For me it is that I am not enough so I am not worthy, not deserving, and not willing to let go of staying in the box (ex. not truly embracing/accepting compliments/good moments that happen to me).

2. What can we do to stay above our upper limit? Or better yet, what can we do to eliminate our upper limit completely? What can we do to increase our tolerance for things going well in our lives in the now? What can we do to celebrate and embrace the space above and beyond our upper limit?

3. What does it feel like when we break through the top of our upper limit box?

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Top 10 Emotional Intelligent Moments of 2010 (Highs and Lows) #10

Talentsmart produces a top 10 list of emotional intelligent moments. They are very fun and interesting. The first one is about email and Jobs.

“In September, Chelsea Isaacs, a journalism student at Long Island University, emailed Jobs’ personal (and publicized) email address with a complaint. Isaacs had left six voicemails with Apple media relations, requesting that they return her call to answer questions about the iPad for a class project. Apple never called. Jobs sent a quick reply to Isaacs’ longwinded email: “Our goals do not include helping you get a good grade. Sorry.”

Most people would have been tickled to receive a reply from the billionaire, but not Chelsea. She shot back a terse message that questioned the company’s customer service philosophy, and the two had a flaming six-message exchange that ended with this from Jobs: “Please leave us alone.”

The impact of Jobs’ statement? As one would expect from a journalism student, Isaacs took the exchange public, and it hit the ground running in the blogosphere, eventually getting picked up by several media outlets, including CNN. As Jobs is no fan of Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, he undoubtedly paid no attention to Bezos’ revision of an old customer service adage: “If you make customers unhappy in the physical world, they might each tell 6 friends. If you make customers unhappy on the Internet, they can each tell 6,000 friends.” Isaacs did that and more.

Regardless of whether or not Isaacs was overstepping her bounds in asking the company for help with a class project (which is debatable), Jobs did himself and his company a disservice by engaging in a tit-for-tat email exchange with a customer (Isaacs raves about the Apple products she owns in her first email). Jobs’ approach to Isaacs was bad form for any member of a company, let alone the CEO who lives under a microscope. A bit more self-awareness and Jobs’ would have realized that he was fighting a rational battle with Isaacs but losing an emotional war. With more social awareness, Jobs could’ve had the foresight to see how this simple email exchange might turn into the very public message that Apple doesn’t appreciate its customers. Maybe next time, Steve will read our article on Emotionally Intelligent Emailing before he hits “Send.”

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Lessons From Mom

I am not enough. This sentence echoes through the minds of most men (and many women) in our society. It is a burden we carry often from our dads (and sometimes our moms). We walk around doing all that we can to look good and feel like we are enough when in reality, we hear only a voice telling us that we are not enough.

My mom died this last summer, and a few months before she died, I was reminded once again of being enough. She was the voice that echoed to me that I was enough. I shared with her my newest adventure into becoming certified in professional coaching. She did what she did best with her kids. She looked straight into my eyes through into my soul, lightly wrapped her hand around my wrist, and said, “You will be great at that.”

I am reminded today, a day in which she would have turned 82, that she gave me the gift of being enough. She believed in me when I didn’t. This was her gift, and it is her legacy.

My youngest son is 8. He recently has gotten into learning how to throw a Frisbee. After every throw, he yells out, “Is that a good one?” The dutiful, worry wart, dad that I am thinks maybe he lacks self-esteem. As we are walking into the house after a Frisbee toss time, he looks at me and says, “Dad, do you think I am getting better?” Worried about his self-esteem, I ask him what he thinks. He immediately with a big smile says, “I think I am getting really great at throwing the Frisbee!” He is enough! And his Grandma’s legacy of being enough carries on in him and in all of us who she touched.

Are you enough? You are more enough than you could ever imagine. God said that you are His beloved. Can you feel His warm embrace? Can you hear His whisper in your ear, “You are my beloved. I adore you.” Even though my mom gave me the gift, I continue to live with the wound of feeling that I am not enough. It has only been recently that I have begun to embrace my enoughness. Don’t settle for the dial tone of not enough. Listen to the gentle voice that KNOWS that you are enough and so much more.

Mom is finally in a place where “I am not enough” doesn’t even exist. I am so grateful today, her birthday, for her gift. I am enough, Mom. I will always be enough. I am beloved, embraced, and delighted in. Thanks Mom. I miss you.

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Emotional Intelligence: Self-Awareness

I just finished a very thoughtful book titled: Emotional Intelligence 2.0.  Here are some brief notes that I learned about Self-Awareness.  The book focuses on 4 parts to E.I.-Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social-Awareness, and Social-Management.

Self-Awareness:  To know yourself as you really are & to notice and understand your emotions

1. Allow yourself to sit with an emotion and become fully aware of it especially when emotions pop up or boil to the surface

2. Know who pushes your buttons and how they do it

3. Use books, music, and books to analyze and look at your emotions

Finally, keep a journal of emotions based on these 3 key points.

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Give Thanks!

My youngest son listed what he was thankful for: Mom and Dad, his dogs, brother, sister, all living things, and me.  Not me but himself.  I have never seen some list themselves on a thankful list.  Cute and thought provoking.  We might all be happier if we could be thankful that God created us, that we are special, that we matter.  It points to my son feeling satisfied about who he is; he feels good about himself.

I am thankfully challenged.  My project for the 25 days leading up to Christmas is to call a friend every day and share with him one item each day that I am thankful.

Maybe we would all be better off being thankful for ourselves and each other…

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“Constructive” Criticism

Does “constructive” criticism work?  Answer: NO!  Dale Carnegie’s #1 rule: Don’t Criticize, Condemn, or Complain is founded on the reality that we DO NOT respond to criticism.

Why? Because he writes: “ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.”   He goes on to say that “criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.  Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.”

In fact, the father of behavioral psychology, B.F. Skinner, “proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior.  Later studies showed that the same applies to humans.  By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.”

So when will we “get this”? Constructive criticism DOES NOT WORK.  We must turn to the positive.  Wouldn’t it be exciting to try it!  What if the next round of evaluations at the office were filled with all things positive?  How might the climate change?

“Consider the annual performance planning process…a process dreaded by leader and subordinate alike!…What is possible when we focus on unleashing potential by giving direction, position, and conditions to individuals rather than assessing potential as under-performance or failure to perform?…focusing on what we want rather than what we don’t want activates the inherent strengths, gifts, and creativity of each person…”-Janet Harvey, MA, MCC

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Smile & Laugh More: It’s good for you!

“French university researchers measured the power of a smile by having two groups of subjects read the same comics page from the newspaper.  One group of subjects was instructed to hold a pencil in their teeth while reading (which activates the muscles used in smiling), while the other group held the pencil with their lips (which does not activate the muscles used in smiling).  Those who were unknowingly “smiling” found the cartoons far more humorous and had a better time while reading them than people in the group that weren’t smiling.”-Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Location 1102-1113

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Evil and Suffering, Blessing or Disaster?

“There is an old story about a wise man living on one of Chinas vast frontiers. One day, for no apparent reason, a young mans horse ran away and was taken by nomads across the border. Everyone tried to offer consolation for the mans bad fortune, but his father, a wise man, said “What makes you so sure this is not a blessing?”

Months later, his horse returned, bringing with her a magnificent stallion. This time everyone was full of congratulations for the son’s good fortune. But now his father said, “What makes you so sure this isn’t a disaster?”

Their household was made richer by this fine horse the son loved to ride. But one day he fell off the horse and broke his hip. Once again, everyone offered their consolation for his bad luck, but his father said, “What makes you so sure this is not a blessing?”

A year later nomads invaded across the border, and every able bodied man was required to take his bow and go into battle. The Chinese families living on the border lost 9 out of 10 men. Only because the son was lame did father and son survive and take care of each other.

What appeared like a blessing and success has been a terrible thing.  What has appeared to be a terrible event has often turned out to be a rich blessing.”-Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, location 1378