We had a GREAT time today listening and learning how to be a Christ like lover to our wives. We are called to love her–sacrafically and unconditionally–as Christ loved us. We discussed love languages, knowing your family of origin baggage allows healing and enlightenment into present struggles, and Drew’s ‘top 10’ marriage tips. Here is the outline and discussion questions.
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An excerpt from a commentary on Song 8:5-7…
“The focus of the Song may be found in the following two lines.
The strength of love is likened to death, and the difficulty of
overcoming death is likened to the hold of the grave (8:6). No
mere mortal can escape these, and thus they testify to the
most powerful forces known. Their power cannot be overcome,
and their hold is eternal. This is the picture of love: not only
the love of the couple but here at last the sense in which the
love they share partakes of a greater love that is higher and
more magnificent in its awesome power than anything on earth.
This love nowhere denies the erotic emphasis of the couple’s
love. However, it builds on that physical passion with an eternal
commitment that will not let go. … here the erotic love of the
Song reaches a level of the love that transcends all and through
which God is known. Thus God is love (1 John 4:8, 16), and
those who would know and worship him must know that love.
The greatest physical pointer to such love is the committed
sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife.”-Richard S. Hess, excerpt from Baker Commentary on Song of Solomon
On Wednesday, our very own Dr. Drew talked about the Five Love Languages in connection with his subject matter, Ephesians 5:22-33. Please take a moment and read those passages before proceeding (even if you read them on Wednesday). Stop after each line and think about it for a few moments. What is God saying to you?
I think I was the only person in the room on Wednesday that didn’t know the “leaving and cleaving” line of this passage referred to leaving our family of origin issues behind when we are “joined” with our new bride. We all have those, don’t we? There are a million ways to talk about the subject of loving our wives and them respecting us. One of the things Drew said was for us to focus on the holiness not the happiness. I heard the same thing in a different way during a relationship class Cynthia and I took two summers ago. Pete McKenzie taught it and I learned a lot. So, most of the words you will read now are Pete’s, not mine:
We are imperfect human beings. We are not capable of loving our spouses the way they need to and should be loved. After the honeymoon “feeling” wears off, our sinful human nature usually takes over and we begin to see all of the faults in our spouse rather than the good we only saw in the beginning of the relationship. That is because we are looking the wrong way. We are looking “across the isle” at another imperfect human being, rather than looking up and focusing on God. Put two imperfect beings together long enough and the result will always be conflict. God must be the head of the relationship. Only God can love a person the way they should be loved, as He is the only perfect One in the relationship. So, instead of trying to love your spouse on your own, give it to God each and every day. Ask God to love your spouse through you. It helps if do things like prayer hugs, pray together, read and discuss the Bible together, etc. Rather than write a bunch more, I thought I’d draw a picture (wait until you see my art work). The gist of the attached drawing is this; if you both keep your focus on God rather than each other, then, as you each draw closer to God, you will draw closer to each other. Try it for 30 days and see how much better your relationship gets, with God and with your spouse.
In His Service,
Dave