Here is another great summary of Men’s Group by Dave:

This past Wednesday we studied the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:21-35) and how it relates to forgiveness.  Please take a few minutes and read the passage.  I suggest you do it when you have some quiet time because you will get more out of it if you can meditate on the scripture and write in a journal what God says to you about it.   Robby taught on this lesson and he presented a very good question to us; why do we often think about forgiveness as being about the person that needs to be forgiven rather than the person doing the forgiving?  Have you ever thought if you are in a position to forgive that it is about you, not the person you need to forgive?  Cynthia and I used to facilitate a nationally recognized Christ centered divorce recovery program called DivorceCare (www.divorcecare.org).  It is an incredible program.  If you know of anyone who is divorced and they haven’t been through a program PLEASE tell them about DivorceCare.  It does not matter how long they’ve been divorced; it will be the best advice you’ve ever given them.  Encourage them to attend.  Anyway, what I am leading into here is that there was an entire session spent on forgiveness.  This lesson leads off with the statement; “It’s not what you eat, but what is eating you that will kill you.”  How true; if we don’t find it in our hearts to truly forgive, we will harbor bitterness.  That bitterness will come out at some point; most likely against someone we love and care for, someone who did nothing to hurt us.  One thing to remember when talking about forgiveness; forgiveness is not reconciliation.  It is not condoning a behavior and saying it is okay.  Forgiveness is letting go, or setting down a load and not picking it up again.  Reconciliation is restoring a relationship.  You can forgive without condoning or reconciling.  Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling.  We may not feel like forgiving but we can and should decide to forgive.  One last thing from that DivorceCare lesson; don’t expect or wait for an apology to forgive.  In other words, don’t try to assume control by saying the person must answer to YOU.  No, they must answer to GOD.

Now, back to our Wednesday discussion.  Two lines really got to me in this parable.  They were verses 29-30. Go back and read them. Can you imagine being the guy on your knees begging for forgiveness and the other “person” in the parable is God and He is telling you, “No, you are not forgiven?”  Where would you be?   

I asked a question in the beginning of this email about forgiving being more important to the person forgiving than the person in need of forgiveness.  Forgiveness produces several great benefits for the forgiver.  One is freedom.  Forgiving gives the forgiver the freedom to move on.  It is very healing because the situation no longer has power over the “wronged” person.  If you are in a position to forgive and don’t, you could end up depressed, bitter and/or angry.  All of those will eventually result in loneliness.  Who wants to be around a person like that?  Forgiveness produces healthier relationships.  And, remember what Jesus told us in Matthew 6:14-15; “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”  That is a pretty frightening statement, isn’t it?  It is right there is black and white (or red in some bibles).  I mean what happens if God doesn’t forgive you?  Where do you end up?

Bruce Peotter said something I believe is a very helpful tip for those of you who are married.  Each night before he and Kelly go to sleep, they talk about whether or not either of them said anything that hurt the other person and need to ask forgiveness for.  Think about it.  Rather than “addressing” the issue right then and there, which will almost always result in a heated conflict, you know you can save the situation for later when things have calmed down and talk about it rationally.  Just knowing you have that in your back pocket can keep the person who was “wronged” in a better frame of mind.  I think it is a great idea, don’t you?

How does one forgive?  Well Francisco said that one best.  You must first receive God’s forgiveness before you can truly forgive.  Then, rather than struggling with it yourself; turn the matter over to God.  Try something like, “Lord, make me willing to be willing to forgive because I am not there yet.”  That will really set your heart on the right path.  Some folks never really address their wrongs.  They say over time they forget about it, that time heals all wounds.  Well, from co-facilitating DivorceCare for almost two years I can honestly say, “Time does not heal all wounds.  It covers them.  Only Jesus can truly heal.

Well, I guess I made up for last week’s short email.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.  May God bless you and keep you.

Dave