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Tag Archives: relationships
Married Life Live, Session 2: Only Jesus can heal wounds.
Enjoy the notes and the brief audio teaching from our second Married Life Live session.
MEN’s ANSWERS:
What is your wound?
- performance wound
- not enough wound
- distand dad and/or mom
- not sensitive (family of origin-distant-did not express feelings)
- non-emotional-grow up afraid of emotions/expression of emotions
- self sufficient wound (can do life on own)
How does your wife help that wound?
- acts of service
- words of affirmation
- touch
- quality time
- gifts
What role does Jesus play in your marriage?
- put Jesus first–then marriage will follow
- let Him rule, submit to Him otherwise it doesn’t work
- Jesus is the glue.
- example of forgiveness & grace
- unconditional
- grow closer to Him by prayer, reading Bible, fellowship
WOMEN’S ANSWERS:
What is your wound?
- avoid conflict
- perfection
- inadequate
- feeling valued/desirable
- not loved
- lack confidence
- favoritism/suppressed feelings
How does your husband hurt that wound?
- expectation
- criticism: this is a BIG one. It is NEVER worth it! You WILL NOT change him/her by criticism.
- trying to fix a problem
- feeling not valued or under valued and undesirable
How does your husband help that wound?
- open and share
- healthy disagreement
- acceptance
- speaking truth
- gentleness
- support/encoragement
- perspective
What role does Jesus play in your marriage?
- unconditional love
- Jesus loves us/rejoices in us
*KEY is to identify the wounds/issue because that helps to heal, recognize when they pop up, and focus on Christ to heal them. Spouse can’t fix/heal the wound, but we can minister to the wound as Jesus heals it.
*CRITICISM: It is NEVER worth it! You WILL NOT change him/her by criticism. My wife used to try this–ex. ‘you really should…find some friends that would be good for you etc…only when she gave up the criticism and started to pray did I start to make some of the changes that she desired. We have to remember that criticism is painful, counter productive, and never works to change us so DON’T DO IT. Love him/her just the way they are!
*DON’T try and fix it…it is usually the husband who wants to ‘fix’ the problem but whoever it is DON’T do it. LISTEN and only fix if asked to.
*AFFIRM, AFFIRM, AFFIRM: in all discussions/arguments, lead with affirmation and don’t stonewall or run away…meet the problem head on by talking and listening. A woman who stonewalls or runs from conflict with a husband who is from a stoic or non-emotional upbringing is very hurtful. A man from such a family of origin needs empathy and support not stonewalling.
*Allow Jesus to delight in YOU!
“…the LORD takes delight in his people…”-Psalm 149:4.
Marriage Life Live: Date Night with a Purpose, Friday, May 1
FRIDAY, MAY 1 FROM 6:30-8:30pm
Meeting location at Rod and Amy Kamps’ home (28 Montclair, Irvine, CA 92602) and children meet at the Northpark Clubhouse.
This group is for all married couples at Pathways Church. The format for MLL is fun, informal, & interactive. We will eat together, watch movie clips, and talk about how we can have better intimacy and great marriages.
We will be charging a nominal fee for food for adults and kids:$15 per couple for food and $5 per child for childcare and the kids food.
Directions to the Clubhouse: going North on Culver turn left onto Portola. Take the first left which is Gate Park. Tell the guard that you are going to the Kamps’ home and the clubhouse. As you pull through the gate, the Clubhouse building will be directly in front of you and its parking lot is to the right.
Directions to the Kamps’ home from the Clubhouse: Make a right out of the parking lot, turn right on Meadow Valley, right onto Grass Valley and right on Montclair, end at 28 Montclair.
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Brennan Manning #4: Abba’s Child
This is part 4 of 4 in the Brennan Manning speaking series from Mariners Church in 1996. It is AMAZING! I have been sharing these lectures with men from my men’s group for years, and they ALL have been AMAZED and changed by his beautiful insights, humor, and stories. If you haven’t heard him speak or read any of his books please start NOW.
Some of my favorites:
Brennan Manning #3: My Journey with Jesus
This is part 3 of 4 in the Brennan Manning speaking series from Mariners Church in 1996. It is AMAZING! I have been sharing these lectures with men from my men’s group for years, and they ALL have been AMAZED and changed by his beautiful insights, humor, and stories. If you haven’t heard him speak or read any of his books please start NOW.
Some of my favorites:
Love Languages
We all hear and feel LOVED in different ways. In his landmark book: The 5 LOVE Languages, Gary Chapman explains that there are 5 main ways that we hear and/or feel LOVED. If we can take the time to learn our LOVE language (the language that makes us feel LOVED), and learn our spouse, family members, neighbor, and patients LOVE languages, we can ‘speak’ to them in THEIR LOVE language. This is VERY important because we often can only feel or hear LOVE when people speak to us in the LOVE language that we can hear or feel. If your spouse’s LOVE language is QUALITY TIME, then you can do the dishes and clean the house for the REST of your life, and he or she may NEVER feel LOVED! Strange but VERY true. So STOP spinning your wheels and learn that her or his LOVE language is QUALITY TIME and see how it transforms your relationship by simply spending TIME with her or him! Yes, it can be that easy.
The 5 love languages are:
QUALITY TIME
GIFTS
ACTS OF SERVICE
PHYSICAL TOUCH
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
What is your love language? What is your spouses? What are your kids? Take this quiz and find out and begin to grow deeper and more fulfilling relationships!
MARRIAGE TIPS & RESOURCES
Marriage is hard work, but it is worth the effort.
If you are having a hard time with your marriage:
1. Don’t give up! Studies show that divorce can be truly devastating to you, your spouse, and especially your kids.1 2
2. Get professional help! Don’t try and work through your issues on
your own. Read these books, go to marriage retreats, and get into
consistent marriage counseling.
3. Set down healthy patterns! Find or read about good patterns and then follow them.
RESOURCES:
BOOKS TO READ:
1. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
2. His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Hartley
3. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman
4. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires,The Respect He Desperately Needsby Emerson Eggerichs
5. Night Light: A Devotional for Couples by the Dobson’s
As always, PLEASE share with us your insights and comments below.
Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE-Are You Enough? Lecture
Please enjoy a brief lecture on the Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE asking the age old question are you enough?
There are 4 books that I mention during this lecture:
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen
Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE-Are You Enough? Q&A
This is the GREAT discussion time that we had concerning VALUE. Join us! Share with us YOUR answers and please leave us a comment below.
The Vital Signs of Healing: VALUE handout: vital signs of healing: value
Here is a brief list of YOUR answers to this VITAL question:
What are some ways that we can show our patients that we think that they have value or that we think that they are ‘enough’?
- put yourself at their level
- eye contact
- show kindness and help out even when it is not your patient
- do a little extra if you see a need
- getting to know them beyond their chief complaint
- communicate consistency between the doctor and the nurse
- not about you
PLEASE share with us YOUR answers by posting a comment below. THANKS for joining us!
What is Men’s Group all about?
Join me in a GREAT interview with Pastor Bucky. He shares with us what we are going to be talking about this season at Men on the Path, and he shares why he goes to a men’s group.
Listen, enjoy, and as always please share with us your comments to this post.